i hate the wallpaper, but i love this space and those windows are to die for!
like we had ruby since i was literally a baby
she’s slept beside my head almost every night of my life since then
i feel so guilty for leaving her at my mom’s
but i knew i couldn’t afford all her medicines and vet care and i knew if she had a vet emergency there would be no way for me to get her there
but i know how much she loved me and i can’t help but feel like she would have stayed alive longer if i had just stayed with her, that was always my plan to just stay with her until she died but idk i was too selfish or too in denial that she wouldn’t just start aging in reverse because that doesn’t fucking HAPPEN
i just hate myself
i know she missed me because she got so excited whenever i came home to visit
and i was supposed to visit again so so soon
but she was my mom’s cat when i was a really little kid, before she decided to be my cat so maybe my mom being with her at the end is just things coming full circle or something
i don’t know how long i’ll spend wishing i could go back in time
i know it’s not going to bring her back
i just want to go home and be back in our room and i want to see her fur shed everywhere and i just want to hear her and snuggle her again but i can’t and i wanted davey and amelie to meet her and i just feel so guilty and absolutely broken
I’ll take your man, your girl, and your food.
omg you can have all of it idec
i’ve been watching supernatural really not paying attention, so i’ve just been getting bits and pieces of stories
but i’ve also been having supernatural-type dreams, but with huge chunks missing and it’s really funny to me
like in my last dream it was with a bunch of people and suddenly we were running and then they were all omg the clown omg the evil demon horses chasing us and i was like WTF HOW DID I MISS THAT
also before that in the dream i was on the bus and i was going home a lot later than i wanted to and it was just really weird and it kept turning into a blowup mattress and the bus route was really fucked up and we had to go over this weird marsh thing
so basiclaly this all comes back to my fear of taking the bus at night, because demon horses
I’m getting over my shame and internalized ableism and asking for help. I’m a chronically ill unemployed trans gurl who just left sex work (as in, yesterday) because I finally lost my shit. I’m also moving out of my abusive household in June, around the 15th or so. I don’t have a place to stay yet so the more money I have saved up, the more likely someone is going to trust me to move in with them.
Thanks to sex work and friends donating, I’ve saved up $2,000 for deposits, first/last month’s rent, housing applications, etc. I’m trying to raise another $2,000 to get me through the summer. Starting September/October, I should be receiving financial aid from my university, so that will help.
To give you an idea of where the money is going:
- Rent for a shared room is $500-$550/month
- Utilities are anywhere between $20-$60/month
- I’m limiting myself to $100-$125/month for food
- Gas is $40 a full tank, so about a $80/month if I do this right
I’ll also be looking for a job at this time. I have an open interview tomorrow so hopefully I’ll get called for a second interview!
Important to note! My memoir, Trauma Queen, is aiming to be published on May 31st, 2013. It’s going to cost $20, so if you want to hold off donating to buy the book, that’s totally understandable. I have a collection of writing and art here (x) that you can read/watch, and a zine here (x). I’ll also be selling various articles of clothing, shoes, collector’s items, etc. in the next week or so.
Signal boosting would be appreciated, and any donations would be very helpful. <3
¡Gracias! / Thank you!,
P.S. (if the link doesn’t work, there’s a donate button on my page.)